I was the problem.

I've been sitting here collecting my thoughts on what I need to move forward to promote my recent book "FEELING STUCK?" while looking at upcoming speaking events and workshop opportunities. It feels like a lot. Enough to feel in what I call life V-Fib. Kind of like a heart that is beating so erratically it is not productive. Except it is me. Stewing with thought after thought knowing I need to stop to organize them or time will fly by.

I'm the problem.

I remember a photo that popped up on social media of this sweet little overnight snack bag of goodies that my wife gave me. It was from November 2021. I went to a hotel for a day and a night to focus solely on my work. I was convinced It was the environment change I needed. I made a good push that weekend.

That was one of the many times I tried to make a push to get this book out of my head. Except at that point in my mind it wasn't a book, it was an online video course.

Turns out that while a change in environment helped. 

I was the problem.

Meanwhile, I've said "I'm the problem" enough times now that Taylor Swift's chorus from her song "Anti-Hero" is now in my head. It's a good line, "It's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me." Like her or not, I've seen it resonate with a lot of people because it's not just catchy, it's often true whether we want to admit it or not.

So anyway, after the hotel, time passed as it usually does. I had tabled the idea. It was too much for me to try to do alone, and I couldn't afford a producer and editor to do the filming and video edits, let alone the email funnels.

I stopped beating myself up. But I still needed to figure out a way to reach more people.

Nearly a year passed and I started to look at all of those email subscriptions I had for writing retreats. Because now I wanted to write something. I had several book ideas in my head.

This time will be different, right? Leaving for longer and paying more money was the answer! I knew it wasn't in my heart. I needed accountability. and I needed a mentor. I found one in Cathy Fyock.

Cathy got to know me and my message a little and all of a sudden it became clear. I was going to turn my coaching program into a book. Apparently a very big project for a first time author with its size, content and companion workbook, according to her.

I wasn't the problem anymore.

I got out of my way and saw an opportunity to change the recipe of what I wanted to make. The ingredients were the same but the final product is different. That was December 2022. In five months, because I let go of my fears, I wrote more than 300 pages!

If you wonder what I feared it was the usual stuff:

I don't know how to write. (I can only improve)

Will people like it? (Some will and some won't)

Am I serving people the best way I can? (Anyone I reach is being served well)

What if I'm not good enough? (I'm not competing with anyone and I will only get better)

Make no mistake, if you are like I was, beating yourself up, frustrated you aren't moving forward - you are the problem.

But ask yourself why. Are you afraid of something? Do you not have the tools, resources or support you need? Can you get it? Is there a way to achieve the same outcome with a different method? And most important, do you care enough? Because it is okay if you don't. Until something is important enough let it go.

Let's stop beating ourselves up for what we haven't done. You can't move forward if anchored to the past. Leave the past for learnings to take forward.